Ever wonder what our generation will
be known for in the decades to come? I ponder the question regularly. There are
so many great things we could be remembered for, but if history has taught us
anything, it’s the negative that tends to last the test of time, not the
positive. My greatest worry is our generation will be looked at as the
generation that gave up on love.
">We date for the sake of dating. The generation
that forgot how to love — which is ridiculous. Most people have never had a
good understanding of love, just a poor interpretation of it. Generation-Y
seems to be the first generation moving away from conventional takes on
romantic, loving relationships. The only question that remains is whether we’ll
be remembered for being the first generation to accept a more logical and
rational take on love or the generation that gave up on it altogether. I guess
you’ll be the one to decide.
1. We care more about instant
gratification than we do anything else
The most common trend amongst
Generation-Yers is our need for instant gratification. We grew up and continue
to thrive in a culture that allows us instant access to just about anything. If
we want food, we have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or we walk a
block or two and grab dinner. If we are bored, we have endless distractions in
the form of phone apps. If we need directions or a question answered, it only
takes us a couple of seconds. Such convenience is entirely a modern-day perk —
previous generations never experienced anything even remotely close to it. The
problem is instant gratification is addicting and often becomes a habit, a
habit that tends to seep into our love lives. Love isn’t meant to be
experienced in an instance, but in a lifetime.
2. We’ve built a culture driven by
drugs and booze
This goes hand in hand with our culture’s need for instant
gratification. Drugs and booze are the most common form of self-medication.
When we feel sad or unhappy, we go out for drinks. When we’re stressed or
unable to handle our lives, we may turn to more intense substances. Of course,
not everyone drinks alcohol and/or does drugs, but it is a trend among our
generation. Drugs and alcohol often end up being love’s worst enemy. These
substances give us the illusion of an alternate reality — a reality in which
our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially
intense. Unfortunately, all this does is confuse us, making us believe love is
little more than the feelings we experience. Nothing could be further from the
truth.
3. We sleep around
— a lot Some less
than others, but most individuals have multiple partners every year. Don’t get
me wrong, I like sex just as much as the next guy, but sleeping around ends up
leaving us feeling empty. It starts out feeling exciting and gratifying, but
ends up making us feel even more alone. Worse yet, it makes finding someone to
love infinitely more difficult. You’re wasting your time with people who mean
nothing to you and, to top it all off, you are likely to turn sex into a sport.
When that becomes the case, good luck trying to make love. Good luck enjoying
sex when sex is no longer a special or unique experience, but just another
trivial evening.
4. We’re becoming even more egocentric.
Every
individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and
ourselves first and foremost. Whether this is good or bad doesn’t really
matter; the world is the way it is. It’s part of human nature. The problem
arises when our egocentricity overtakes our ability to feel empathy. As human
beings, we have no choice but to live and function within society, within
communities of different sizes. Relationships are really nothing more than
granular communities. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and
desires, the needs of the others in our community get overlooked. When this
happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart.
5. We date for the sake of dating It’s become
a sport — a favorite pastime among Millennials.
We date because we believe
we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and
spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go
about it is to date as often as possible. This backwards logic brings about
countless horrible relationships that never ought to have been in the first
place. Every time you date someone who isn’t right for you, you’re giving up
your chance to meet someone who is. Same goes for the rest of the world.
6. We aren’t fans of making
compromises
We like to have things our way, always. Why wouldn’t we? If we can
have it our way, why would we settle for anything less? This logic makes sense
until we find ourselves in a relationship. When we’re a part of a relationship,
we are only a piece of a greater whole. What we want and need is not nearly as important
as what the relationship needs. And what the relationship often needs is for
you to compromise. So you’re left with a dilemma, which is fine, as long as you
accept that compromises need to be made. Once we no longer accept that as a
necessity, we will lose the ability to create a loving relationship.
7. We believe in fairytale endings
What was
our favorite thing to watch growing up? Most people our age will say Disney. We
grew up on Disney movies and learned all about love through the stories they
told — or at least I did. The problem is such movies are incredibly inaccurate
and often end up doing more harm than good. They create impossible expectations
— expectations that always leave us disappointed in the end, not to mention
confused. How could you not question your love for someone when your story
doesn’t line up with what you believe defines a happily ever after?
8. We’ve been fooled into believing perfection
is attainable It’s not.
Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all
looking for that perfect individual. We are all looking to become that perfect
individual. Sadly, we’re all going to fail, and it’s going to suck. No matter
how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they
aren’t achieved is very real. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
But who the hell told you to look for greener grass?
9. We’re goal driven, but often
forget to include our partners in the mix I love the fact that our generation
is really the first generation to put the focus on the individual, allowing for
personal growth and development. I’m proud our generation is the first
generation that believes working for ourselves is better than working for
someone else. Having dreams and setting goals are both incredibly important; however,
what’s more important is setting the right goals. We need to understand the
difference between the things and individuals in our life who hold value.
Sadly, this is an area in which our generation is greatly lacking. Most of us
put off finding someone to love until after we get the rest of our life
together. Not sure why no one realizes finding a partner is the most important
piece of the puzzle.
10. Most of us are really bad at
loving Love is confusing.
It has layers
and is mutable, changing over time and changing with each new partner we let
into our lives. Love is so incredibly complex that most people simply haven’t
been able to get a grasp of it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is reason
to worry. The real question is: Are we getting better or worse at loving?
That’s a question I’m not able to answer, but I fear it maybe the latter. Of
course, each individual is different in his or her understanding, but most
people seem to be incredibly lost. The issue is if we don’t come to understand
love better — its purpose, its boundaries and its shortcomings — we will never
be happy.
#LoveDoctor
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